Dear TBZ Community,
This week’s Torah portion, Parshat Chayei Sarah, begins with the death of Sarah, includes the search for a wife for Isaac, and ends with Abraham marrying again late in life. We are introduced to complicated characters, complicated choices, and the complexity of humanity.
A central part of the story is the introduction of Rivkah (Rebecca), the second of our matriarchs. Abraham sends a servant, known in the midrash (commentary) as Eliezer, to find a wife for his son, Isaac. Just before the moment of encountering Isaac’s future wife, he prays:
הִנֵּה אָנֹכִי נִצָּב עַל־עֵין הַמָּיִם וּבְנוֹת אַנְשֵׁי הָעִיר יֹצְאֹת לִשְׁאֹב מָיִם
וְהָיָה הַנַּעֲרָ אֲשֶׁר אֹמַר אֵלֶיהָ הַטִּי־נָא כַדֵּךְ וְאֶשְׁתֶּה וְאָמְרָה שְׁתֵה וְגַם־גְּמַלֶּיךָ אַשְׁקֶה אֹתָהּ הֹכַחְתָּ לְעַבְדְּךָ לְיִצְחָק וּבָהּ אֵדַע כִּי־עָשִׂיתָ חֶסֶד עִם־אֲדֹנִי
Here I stand by the spring as the daughters of the townspeople come out to draw water; let the maiden to whom I say, ‘Please, lower your jar that I may drink,’ and who replies, ‘Drink, and I will also water your camels’—let her be the one whom You have decreed for Your servant Isaac. Thereby shall I know that You have dealt graciously with my master (Gen. 24:13-14).
The quality the servant is looking for can be understood as generosity. And that is exactly what happens:
וַיְהִי־הוּא טֶרֶם כִּלָּה לְדַבֵּר
He had scarcely finished speaking (Gen. 24:15)…
Rivkah is immediately described as generous:
וַתֹּאמֶר שְׁתֵה אֲדֹנִי וַתְּמַהֵר וַתֹּרֶד כַּדָּהּ עַל יָדָהּ וַתַּשְׁקֵהוּ
“Drink, my lord,” she said, and quickly lowered her jar upon her hand and let him drink (Gen. 24:18).
She goes on to water all his camels, demonstrating attentiveness, generosity, and physical strength. These qualities convince the servant that she is the person meant for Isaac. At this moment, Rivkah embodies kindness and selflessness; her actions are a clear reflection of her character.
But as the story evolves, we learn more about Rivkah. In next week’s portion, she devises a plan to ensure that her favored son Jacob receives Isaac’s blessing. She is strategic and makes morally complicated choices, as seen in Genesis Chapter 27.
Here we see Rivkah acting out of love for Jacob, a vision for the future, and the fulfillment of the promise God made to her and Isaac. Yet her actions are ethically complex. She is not simply “good” or “bad”; her choices are shaped by circumstance, concern, and hope for her family.
In a simple yet profound way, Torah reminds us of the complexity of human character and the ways our actions are shaped by the circumstances of our lives. Human behavior cannot be captured in a single act; who we are in one moment does not define all that we are or all we may become.
This lesson is mirrored in a very radical midrash that imagines Keturah (the new wife Abraham takes after Sarah dies) as Hagar (one of his servants and the mother of Abraham’s son Ishmael):
וַיֹּסֶף אַבְרָהָם וַיִּקַּח אִשָּׁה וּשְׁמָהּ קְטוּרָה
Abraham took another wife, whose name was Keturah (Gen. 25:1)
The medieval commentator Rashi makes his case based on wordplay from the midrash (biblical interpretation) in Genesis Rabbah 61. Rashi says:
קטורה: זוֹ הָגָר. וְנִקְרֵאת קְטוּרָה עַל שֶׁנָּאִים מַעֲשֶׁיהָ כִּקְטֹרֶת
Keturah: This is Hagar. She was named Keturah because her deeds were as beautiful (sweet) as incense (ketoret).
The rabbis dare to imagine a different ending to the story of Hagar’s banishment. In that daring, they allow us to see that people can change, including Abraham, Hagar, and perhaps even the circumstances themselves. Life is complicated, people are complicated, and change is possible.
The Torah teaches us: we are not defined by a single choice or moment, and neither are those around us. That is true for both the good and the not-so-good. People evolve, act differently as circumstances change, and reveal new dimensions over time. We know this about ourselves, yet we often forget it about others. The beauty of Torah, especially the stories of Genesis, is that it shows us human complexity clearly: people oscillate, grow, make mistakes, and sometimes overcome them, only to face new challenges. This is the story of each of us.
This lesson resonates deeply in our own lives. In our relationships, workplaces, and communities, we are often tempted to judge others (or ourselves) harshly based on a single act or decision (or social media post!). But recognizing that people are shaped by context, growth, and lived experience allows us to approach one another with compassion and curiosity, rather than fear or condemnation.
Seeing the fullness of each other’s stories beyond a single moment or choice is not always easy. Extending compassion and curiosity to ourselves and others can be challenging. Yet Torah invites us to do this work, to honor the possibility of growth, repair, and new beginnings in all our relationships.
May this Shabbat bring renewal and blessing.
May we find strength, courage, and patience, and open our hearts with generosity.
May this Shabbat bring moments of stillness, clarity, and connection.
May we reach for one another gently and lovingly.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rav Claudia